i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize