Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
