I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
