new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
This is the prime rib incident all over again
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
