this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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