yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
