So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
PANTIES FOUND
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