Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
