I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize