He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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