omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
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