I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
