I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
