I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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