So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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