You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
