I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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