I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
