oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just googled if crying burns calories
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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