I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
