I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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