I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I have demons in me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
