Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Why are your pants in the freezer?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
