I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
