Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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