Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
