Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
