what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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