Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
please don't ironically join a cult
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