He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
