his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
