Come see our sink grown plant.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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