Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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