Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
