if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
