Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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