Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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