I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
