you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
