Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
