I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
