i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize