No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
