she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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