Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
