:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We don't watch enough power rangers
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
