CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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