My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
