he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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