I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
