Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
