you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize