look no pants
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
