I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
