Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You've changed since you got that strap on
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
