It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
