Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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