Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
