dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
