I can tuck mytits in my pants
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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