remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
