whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
