So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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