Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
