Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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