I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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