He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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