He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
