It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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