two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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