Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
