he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize