youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
