he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
