My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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