He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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