I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
