my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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