watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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