i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize