I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
